Living, learning, growing.

In life, I have set out to always do my thing. I can’t really say blaze my own path, because, well, let’s face it, there’s always a lot of other people trying to blaze that path or who are already walking it.

I have just wanted to stay true to myself. If I don’t like it, I don’t. You can criticize me all you want, try to pressure me into changing my mind, but you will fail. And on the other page, if I like it, I like it. You can laugh, poke fun, criticize (it’s funny how you can be criticized at both ends, isn’t it?), and I’m not going to change my mind.

I’ve never cared if I stood out from the crowd that I’m in. I’ve never cared if I was different from them. Blending or fitting in has never been something that has been a priority of mine. I’ve always felt in doing so, I’d be losing who I was. I’d be giving up my identity. And that has NEVER been okay. It’s something I fully plan on instilling in my child. Never give up your identity, who you are at your core, to fit in.

I am unique to a point. But there are others out there like me. I know, because I have met them. And I continue to meet more of them in my journey (social media can be a great connection tool).

However, the majority that surround me, are the opposite. Some, still love me for all that I am. Some still appreciate me and stand by me. Most are sugar when I’m there, but salt when I’m not.

You know the saying that momma tells you: If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all? My child is going to be taught the golden: If you’re going to talk smack, be insulting, rude, crude, or say anything negative at all (that you do not intend to say to the person face who it’s about), don’t do it with people around who will take what you said back to said person.

My entire life, I’ve have friends and semi-friends disclose information that others have said about me. I’m too loud. I’m too boisterous. I don’t fit in. I don’t party enough. I don’t drink. I’m too responsible, don’t invite me anywhere. I work out too much. I’m trying to prove something. I’m trying to be someone I’m not. The list goes on. I’ve heard it all. So much that nothing shocks me anymore.

And my adult life, has been far from different.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had a few people text, message me, call me… about things members of a few groups I’m involved with, have said about me. Everything from horrible things about my pregnancy, to nipping at me in the face about my fitness/healthy living lifestyle.

Back when I was younger, I would have gone on the defensive. I would have tried to defend myself, gone to these people and tried to set them straight. Make them see me for who I was, and tell them they were misunderstanding me. But, over the past decade, I stopped doing that. They see what they see, and I’ve done all I can to show them who I am, and if they still can’t see that, if they still misunderstand — that’s on THEM, not me. I have done nothing wrong, other than stay true to myself and be who I am, who I want to be and who I always will be.

When it all comes down to that finish line, I want to be able to look back and feel happy that I did what I could to always improve myself, to be happy, to be comfortable in my skin, to love the road that I traveled despite any downs, dips and turns. So far, I’m doing pretty damn good at it. Contentment is a wonderful thing. Life is beautiful when it’s a part of it.

Never look back and wish you could change something. Once in awhile I find myself wishing I could have gone back to my younger years with the outlook I have today on the negativity that has been thrown around mostly behind my back, but I know that it would be a bad idea, because I had to experience it the way I did, handle it the way I did, in order to learn and grow.

And by learning and growing, I am steady. I am happy. I am in love.

By learning and growing (and all those shoulder exercises, shrugs, etc because I just want to be Queen Fitness or a fitness queen and that’s all I want in life), I have found the road that has led me to an open heart, a place of peace, a place where I can be who and what I am without a care in the world.

If you’re not growing and learning, you’ll never move forward. And that’s absolutely no way to live. Stuck in the mud.

Posted by

Mother. Photographer. Writer. Founder of Fit Fridays for Mental Health. Former powerlifter turned weightlifter. Coach & Nutritionist. Spondy/PCOS/Endo. Bully breed advocate.

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