When someone asks you “What would you like for *insert holiday/gift giving celebration here*?” how do you find yourself answering?

It wasn’t until this year, starting with my birthday, that I realized I ask for things that are either going to make everyday tasks easier, or for things that need replacing.

I’m what a lot of people in life have called “difficult to shop for.” Why? Because people want to gift fun, happy gifts. Not bland, practical things.

I get it, I really do. Especially now with my son. Gift giving has always been fun for me, but now it’s like fun, loaded with a bowl of sugar.

For YEARS my gifts were money towards college books or things I needed for whatever car I was driving at the time (anyone else ask for tires? No? Just me?).

In my years post-college, it’s things like a crock pot to replace the one I lost in a move. A new mixer because mine was broken. A better blender because the one I had was dying, and I was milking it for all it’s worth. Same for a coffee maker. One year, I actually asked for bath towels. BATH TOWELS.

This year, I need a new bar. Mine maxes out at 300-pounds, and if I want to hit my goal of 350 on deadlifts, I really need a new bar. If I want to keep doing Oly lifts in the summer, I need a new bar (mine isn’t made for drops). Other workout related things that I need because how I was doing it before, just doesn’t cut it. Or baking sheets. Mine have almost all disappeared. I have one big one remaining, and it’s definitely worse for wear.

Then there are the things that I know I just won’t do for myself (even though I sometimes think, oh a manicure would be nice, or I really, really need a hair cut!), but if I’ve got that gift certificate staring me down in my wallet, every day, I know I will. Why? Because after awhile, the money on those disappear, fees and whatnot (that tiny-tiny-tiny print on the back even tells you so). The guilt I would feel for letting someone’s gift for me, lapse so long that their money basically was spent on, well, nothing – it’d eat me alive.

When I’m asked what I’d like, my brain shuts down. I freeze. It’s like, I’m so caught up in life, I just don’t have an answer. My mother starts asking for Christmas lists for all of us in OCTOBER. Here it is, weeks away from Christmas, and I still don’t know (sorry mom, I know you’re reading this right now). Then, the moment passes, on I go, falling eyeball deep into my work, the crazy life of being a toddler mom, trying to get daily tasks accomplished – and I forget.

“HOW can you forget?!” a friend once asked me.

Easy, really. I don’t kid, or play around when I say my life is busy. In my head, currently, I’m trying to remember at least 100 different things that need to be done before the week is over in regards to bills, appointments, things for my son, the dog, work schedule, I have a new client coming on board this week – so add another 50 things to the list because I need to make sure this client is getting everything they deserve to better themselves.

It’s life. It’s messy. It’s crazy. Overwhelming sometimes? Yes. That’s why I practice yoga. It calms the chaos. But, no, it doesn’t help me remember.