Just as my book was heading off for developmental edits, I received news from my doctor that tilted the axis a little that my world moves on.

I had cervical cancer.

Thankfully, as someone who was receiving annual colposcopies because my insurance wouldn’t cover care beyond that one thing, I was quite literally right on top of when things changed.

Early stage cervical cancer.

Thankfully, it was still limited to my cervix, and had not spread to other areas.

My options were laid before me: We could try chemotherapy. I was early enough, my team seemed confident that this would be a solid solution.

As someone who is chronically ill/medically complex, and very rarely has true “good” days, I didn’t feel it was a solution that fit.

2023 already hadn’t been a good year for me, and I’d spent more than half of it at that point sick and struggling to maintain my usual “push through” and felt like I was failing, falling, not going to make it through each day. My son had already had to deal with a mom that giving half of what she was usually able to give.

I had no more spoons to give. Especially to chemo.

So I took what some would call the “drastic” option. Surgery.

In November, I had my cervix removed..

My recovery was much like that when I had my son. Taking it easy, walking, focusing on making sure I was eating the best I could to help my body stay fueled to heal, reading a lot, and making sure to get sleep.

It also gave me the chance to buckle down and get through my edits that came in from my editor. I was out from lifting, or playing soccer on the coed adult league team I’m a part of, so those hours were easily filled with my 120,000 word manuscript.

It also helped my mental health. It kept my brain busy, focusing on those pages, those words, so that I didn’t think of how long I’d be away from the weights, another tool that I’ve always leaned on when I’m stressed or struggling. (Therapy, honestly, only does so much sometimes).

Pathology came back, confirming the initial diagnosis, and indicating that what they received had clear margins. My team feels confident that they were able to get everything, however, I will have to have annual testing each year to make sure I remain cancer free.

I’m not naive enough to think that this is it for me, I’m okay, I’m good, I’ll never face this again. But I’m also not letting the possibility consume me, the negative, the dark take over.

That’s one of the things that being chronically ill for my entire adult life has done – It’s a realistic lens I see my world through.

There will be ups and downs. I can’t prepare for them, because I don’t know what they’ll be, or when they’ll come.

All I can do it take a deep breath, and focus on the now.

And right now, I’m cancer free, feeling better than I have in all of 2023, and can be the person, the mom, the friend, I want to be.