It’s interesting how sometimes you think you have that path of your life and goals all mapped out, but then at the snap of a finger, it changes.

While for the most part, my goals for post baby, have remained the same, they still have changed. Why? Have I decided that I’m going to give up my life of fitness? Stop training?

Not in the least.

Before baby, I had finally decided to hit the small stage. I was digging in deep, doing everything I needed to in order to successfully follow that path.

Then baby happened. Despite being off-railed, I decided that after the baby came, I’d get back on track to the stage. I also decided that I’d still follow the powerlifting path, in hopes of some day competing there.

I’m an athlete at heart. Always will be. I love to train, to work, to improve. I’m competitive, but not dangerously so. If I lose, I do so with grace. The loss pointing out the areas I need to improve upon. I’m not perfect, and there will always be room for improvement, so there will always be work that needs to be done. And I will do the work, and I will come back better than last time.

I have decided that no, I’m not going to hit the stage. In that world, I will remain behind the scenes as a trainer where I thrive and love to be. The whole idea for getting on stage stemmed from having everyone around me saying I should do it and me being “Sure, why not? Can’t hurt. I have the knowledge and the drive…” (Which is most definitely NOT the approach to take to anything, because then, your heart really isn’t in it. Just your head is, and for all the wrong reasons.)

In a few weeks, when I hopefully get the green light from my doctor, my ultimate goal is to build a better body than the one I had pre-pregnancy. Build the body that the athlete in me can be proud of.

Why?

I’m a runner. A sprinter. A kicker. A hitter. A heavy lifter. A climber.

I am not a poser. Nor am I a flexer (although I do occasionally partake in #flexfriday).

I am not going to represent something I am not for my son. It isn’t the role model I want to be for him. I don’t want him to see me travel down a road, towards a goal that really isn’t mine. Doing something just to do it, it takes time and energy away from the “something” you truly have passion for, what you want to do. Sets you back. Derails you.

Your heart really isn’t in it. Just your head is, and for all the wrong reasons.

It all sort of falls under the “Stay true to yourself” adage. That’s the mindset I want to show my child. Stay true to yourself, follow your dreams, and never let anyone or anything lead you astray.

So now I sit, re-writing my postnatal workout plans. Mapping out a training schedule for speed work, runs and getting me back on the pitch for soccer. Setting a timeline for reaching my first powerlifting competition. And doing a little yoga to stay balanced in the midst of it all.

I am determined to be the best I can be for my child, and show him how to blaze his own path and do so colorfully.