Parenthood: Finding the light and color again.

1498751324412Seeing the world through my son’s eyes has brought a vibrancy back into my own world.

His world is still full of bright, fun, splashy colors. His heart doesn’t understand or know heartbreak. He hasn’t experienced loss. Hate. Pain that is outside of physical.

He hasn’t been wronged or cheated in his life yet.

He has an innocence, a naivete that fills him as he explores this crazy place called Earth around him.

While his first experiences are slowing down as he moves towards the second half of his second lap around the sun, they still spot his life.

Things he has already done, still excite his little heart, mind and soul.

He’s still adventurous. He’s still curious. I hope he always will be. I hope that no one will ever try to dull that or take that from him.

He sits, sometimes, and just watches the world go on around him.

He’s fascinated.

He’s soaking it all in.

Still too young to understand the bigger things going on in our world right now.

As he grows, I won’t shelter him. If he asks, I will tell. It’s what he deserves. Honesty.

I don’t intend to do it to try to keep his heart pure. Because I know his own life experiences as he grows will dictate his heart. Just as my experiences have done with my own heart, his father’s  with his heart…

While I can hope his world stays vibrant, never dulling or even seeing touches of gray, I know that I can’t always protect or shield him. I can try to preserve as much of it as I can, but it is his life and his life to live.

The only thing I can do is what I’m doing right this very moment, let him explore it. Let him be curious and ask questions. And at my very best, try to always be open and honest with him.

Why? Because he’s learning from me. He’s learning from those around him.

We can say to do one thing, but if we, ourselves, are not doing the same, he won’t understand.

I can joke with him to do as I say and not as I do, but in just his two short years, he is always doing as I do. As his father does. As his “grampy”, “nanny” or “grammy” does.

It’s my duty as his mother to lead by example. To show him.

To give him space to grow. But to be there for him when he comes to me.

It will be challenging at times.

In the end, it will be rewarding.

Just as it is now.

By letting him spread his wings, I’ve found my own again.

Posted by

Mother. Photographer. Writer. Founder of Fit Fridays for Mental Health. Former powerlifter turned weightlifter. Coach & Nutritionist. Spondy/PCOS/Endo. Bully breed advocate.

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